"Matter out of place" is an anthropological term referring to when something or someone is not as it should be or not as we expect it to be. For instance, a shoe in the middle of the road is matter out of place because shoes do not belong in the middle of the road. At the same time, a person without an arm might be seen as matter out of place because people are "supposed" to have two arms. I love the idea of matter out of place. I think it is very indicative of societal norms and stereotypes and forces us to face what are often subconscious thoughts.
Recently, I have begun to feel like "matter out of place." I spent so much of my life being inactive that the reality of being a "gym rat" (as my friends would call me) hasn't really sunk in yet. I still get nervous about going into the gym with a new group of people. I wonder if I can keep up or what they are going to think about me. I sometimes feel out of place and like I don't really belong there. Don't get me wrong. I don't feel this way because people aren't friendly or inclusive because that is not the case. In fact, the community at Crossfit Central has made this whole transition into a healthy lifestyle really "easy" for me. But I am a very cerebral person. I think way too much. My mind will tell me I can't continue long before my body gives out. So I tend to fall back into the mind set of someone who isn't active or who couldn't do the workouts. I second guess myself all the time and doubt my abilities. I can tell when this happens because it really impacts my workout. I hold back and don't push myself as hard as I could.
The reason I am writing about this today is because I am starting a new class tomorrow. Since I switched to 5 days a week, I had to add a class on Fridays. So I am going to Lance's 5:45 am class. I haven't worked with him before and I am excited to start. But I am nervous about working out with a new group of people and getting used to the dynamic of the class. I felt this way before I started Mike's class and even more so before I started with Zach at the beginning of my crossfit experience. I know it is silly to be scared because I now LOVE both of my classes and have a great time, so I know it will just take a few days to get used to and then I will be fine. But it is still a reminder to me that this whole process is just as much mental as it is physical. Mind over matter. I have to work on thinking like a healthy, fit person instead of feeling like I am just faking it. There is nothing fake about my determination or commitment so I might as well tell my mind to accept what my heart has already decided.