Sometimes the moments we feel most lost are the ones in which we find ourselves

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Matter Out of Place

"Matter out of place" is an anthropological term referring to when something or someone is not as it should be or not as we expect it to be. For instance, a shoe in the middle of the road is matter out of place because shoes do not belong in the middle of the road. At the same time, a person without an arm might be seen as matter out of place because people are "supposed" to have two arms. I love the idea of matter out of place. I think it is very indicative of societal norms and stereotypes and forces us to face what are often subconscious thoughts.

Recently, I have begun to feel like "matter out of place." I spent so much of my life being inactive that the reality of being a "gym rat" (as my friends would call me) hasn't really sunk in yet. I still get nervous about going into the gym with a new group of people. I wonder if I can keep up or what they are going to think about me. I sometimes feel out of place and like I don't really belong there. Don't get me wrong. I don't feel this way because people aren't friendly or inclusive because that is not the case. In fact, the community at Crossfit Central has made this whole transition into a healthy lifestyle really "easy" for me. But I am a very cerebral person. I think way too much. My mind will tell me I can't continue long before my body gives out. So I tend to fall back into the mind set of someone who isn't active or who couldn't do the workouts. I second guess myself all the time and doubt my abilities. I can tell when this happens because it really impacts my workout. I hold back and don't push myself as hard as I could.

The reason I am writing about this today is because I am starting a new class tomorrow. Since I switched to 5 days a week, I had to add a class on Fridays. So I am going to Lance's 5:45 am class. I haven't worked with him before and I am excited to start. But I am nervous about working out with a new group of people and getting used to the dynamic of the class. I felt this way before I started Mike's class and even more so before I started with Zach at the beginning of my crossfit experience. I know it is silly to be scared because I now LOVE both of my classes and have a great time, so I know it will just take a few days to get used to and then I will be fine. But it is still a reminder to me that this whole process is just as much mental as it is physical. Mind over matter. I have to work on thinking like a healthy, fit person instead of feeling like I am just faking it. There is nothing fake about my determination or commitment so I might as well tell my mind to accept what my heart has already decided.

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