Sometimes the moments we feel most lost are the ones in which we find ourselves

Monday, October 25, 2010

More Harm than Good

It took me a long time to realize that there is a big difference between being on a diet and being healthy. For the last few weeks, I have been on Nutrisystem. A few years ago when I was at my heaviest, I used Nutrisystem to jump start my weight loss and it was great. It taught me a lot about portion size and making smart choices. For the first time in my life, I was really paying attention to what I put in my body. Because I had such great results, I decided to go back on it to try to get back on track.

What is Nutrisystem, you ask? Basically, they send you a month's worth of prepackaged food, including, breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack. You supplement the food with fruit, veggies, and dairy. The kicker is the food doesn't even need to be refrigerated. It is just there, on your shelf. Meals include things like chocolate muffins and pizza and mac and cheese and cereal and fudge brownies. The idea is that the foods contain carbs that are 'good for you.'

At first, I saw some pounds come off. But after about the first 2 weeks, I just started feeling gross. I was sticking to the program, but not seeing results and not really feeling good in general. Having gone from a very clean diet, to a less so but still mostly fresh and healthy one to all prepackaged, highly processed, no expiration date, microwave dinners sucked.

So despite the fact that I seriously have almost a months 'supply' of Nutrisystem food on my shelves, I decided to kick the habit and go all out. Today is my 6th day of doing a strict paleo diet, eliminating grains, sugar, dairy and everything processed. Even when I was at my healthiest I don't think I id this good for this long. I also added in a diet soda or put splenda and milk in my coffee. But I decided to give up all my excuses and finally do what I felt needed to be done.

The funny thing is, I feel great. Yes, it is difficult to eat clean and fresh at times. I don't have a kitchen or refrigerator so cooking is out of the question. But, again, i gave up my excuses and am just making it work. If that means I resort to sardines and steamed zucchini for dinner, that is what I will do. It is definitely more expensive and less convenient for me to be doing this right now, but if I can do it now I know I can do it later in my life as well.

So I am off my 'diet' and on to eating healthy and clean. I have already lost 2 pounds and haven't been obsessing about counting calories. I know what I am putting in my body is good for it, so there is no guilt or sense of being overly indulgent.

I plan to stay 100 strict for 30 days and then see where I will go from there. This means I will finish right before going home for Thanksgiving and will hopefully allow me to make smart choices over the holiday season. Food should not control you, but should fuel you. It is hard work for me to have a healthy relationship with my food, but I am working on it.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Work Harder

I was talking to my dear friend Jessica last night and she reminded me of something so simple, yet extremely important: sometimes you just have to work harder. There are times when we feel like we are eating well and working out, but we are just not getting the results we need. Why haven't I lost weight? Why doesn't this run feel easier? Why is my energy level still so low? The answer is that if you are doing everything correctly, you will see results. Period. It is pretty much impossible to eat clean, workout hard, get enough sleep and drink enough water and still not fee great. If you are not at the place you want to be, you must work harder. If you are eating well 90% of the time, bump it up to 95%. If you get in three solid workouts a week, add a fourth. If you haven't cut out diet soda from your diet, but wonder why you don't feel amazing, go two weeks without one and see how it feels. Sometimes we feel like we are doing enough, but it simply isn't enough. Push harder. Dig deeper. Gain more focus and determination and get the job done.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Keep on Swimming

I am about 3 weeks into my renewed commitment to getting healthy and losing weight. I am down about 9 pounds, which is about 3 pounds a week. I wanted 4, but I will take 3. I just need to keep it up. I have been working out more often, but no as much as I should. I do a body sculpt class on Mondays and a less formal one with some girls in my building on Fridays and Sundays. I need to up the cardio though....for sure.

In addition, I have only had one melt down. I stayed strong, but I was full of doubt and frustration and anger. Seriously. I hate feeling like I am working hard and not seeing results. But this comes from not looking at the big picture. 9 pounds in 3 weeks is progress. Could it be more? Sure. But it is progress and I need to be proud of myself and know that things are working.

So I just need to keep on swimming. Swim swim swimming.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Here we go again

On Friday of last week, September 10th to be exact, I started to get serious. This summer was a HUGE bust in terms of getting my health and weight back on track. HUGE. I had lovely plans of all the wonderful things I would accomplish, yet none of them happened. In fact, I gained weight. Eighteen pounds to be exact. That is what is so scary to me. I gained eighteen pounds in three months. And I didn't even really notice. I mean I did in terms of my clothes not fitting and the general feeling of defeat. But I just kept letting it go and pushing the clear need to take action aside.

So last Friday I began again. I am not sure how may bursts of re-commitment it will take before I actually accomplish what I set out four years ago to do. But I cannot succeed if I do not try, try, try again.

I am doing things a little differently this time. I am on Nutrisystem again. I used it four years ago when I first started to lose weight and it worked. Since then, my ideas about health and food have seriously changed and I am in no way fooling myself into thinking that NS food is healthy. However, it will make me lose weight. It is portion controlled and far less expensive than eating out every meal in NYC. I do not plan to be on it more than a few months, but I was clearly out of control when I was going it alone. So I am hoping it will kick-start my newest attempt to get the weight off and get back on the road to good health and happiness.

So far, I have lost eight pounds. I am happy about that, but fairly shocked that I am still ten pounds heavier than at the start of the summer. I have still been lazy about working out because I have fallen out of the habit. But this week I am going to push it that extra bit and get in some serious workouts. My goal is to be back within 5 pounds of my lowest weight before I go home for thanksgiving, which means I need to lose between 3 and 4 pounds a week. I know it is asking a lot, but if not now, when?

So here we go again.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Le Sigh

This week has been a little rough. I haven't eaten awfully, but I am just not feeling it. I thought last week was fine, but I didn't drop any pounds, which always puts me in a funk. I started off the week with a workout, but haven't gotten another in since then. I just got back from a run along the river, which put me in a better mood. So hopefully the funk is over. I am trying to remind myself that if I have to have a sweet treat, dark chocolate is way better than a cookie. Now I just have to stop doing both!!!

Since I didn't hit my 3 pounds last week, I am looking at 6 this week which is nuts. So if I can just get my 3 for this week, I will feel much better. Today was a good start, but the next 2 days have to be equally as clean and workout filled.

Only 2 weeks till I go home!!!!! I want to be 7 pounds lighter by then.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Nice Work, Kid

I got in a great workout today. Not a crossfit workout, but good compared to what I have been doing while at school.
30 mins on the elliptical
1000 m row/500 m row
15 mins on the bike
30 mins run
I was so sweaty and stanky when I was finished, but it felt really good. Then I ate some tuna, steamed zucchini and an apple for dinner along with tons of water. All in all, a good day

Monday, April 19, 2010


My week 1 weight goal was met. 3 pounds. I am aiming for 3 pounds for the next 3 weeks till I go home. Then I can start the summer on the right foot and it will push me that much harder to finish this thing already. This September will make it 4 years since I started to get healthy, and while I have made big changes, there is still a ways to go. So my goal for next week is another 3 pounds, which I know I can do if I get in my workout and eat at least somewhat rationally.

I didn't work out as much this week as I had planned due to illness. But I am on the mend, so hope to get in a good one in the next day or two.

I am nervous about going home for the summer and getting back into crossfit. It has been a long time and I know I have lost a lot of ground since I left. But fear is no longer enough to stop me from doing the things I know I need to get done, so I will be back at it in June.