Sometimes the moments we feel most lost are the ones in which we find ourselves

Friday, March 20, 2009

I am Healthy and I Make Wise Choices

Wednesday brought with it an existential crisis, or sorts. Like my previous post states, I ate well this past weekend, but still saw a 3 pound gain on Monday. I know this was not a real 3 pounds. Much of it can be attributed water retention and normal fluctuations. But it never fails that when this happens, I automatically think, “Well why did I just work so hard to be so good if I am just going to gain weight anyway? Why not just eat poorly and gain weight?” I am slowly getting better about fighting off this thought. But it is hard. Often times, this develops into a week long binge and an additional 3 pound gain. I know this is the cycle. I recognize it and I know how it develops. I suppose that is the first step. Now I just have to prevent it from happening.

Needless to say, this week I was not very good at fighting it off. I went out for St. Patrick’s day drinks and tex-mex with a friend and then proceeded to crave all kinds of junk the next day. I went out, got my biggest weakness chocolate nut crunch, from Central Market, and ate a good half a pound of it. Then I wrote Zach a long self-pitying email about why I have an issue with food. I know that when I cheat once, I am much more prone to do it again. And again. And the next thing I know I have just undone what took me a month to accomplish. I am sure other people experience this, but in my case it literally is that disastrous. I can eat and eat and eat and eat until I am sick, and then eat some more. That first cookie is great, but the second one is even better.

So how do I solve this? DON’T EAT THE FIRST COOKIE!!! I wish I were the type of person who could just indulge every now and then and not have it impact them in any significant way. But I’m not. And I know it. Of course I am going to have moments when I give in or “allow” myself a small treat. But I need to try harder about not giving into that and controlling it when it does happen. Also realizing that if I do eat a cookie, it is ok. One cookie will not kill me. When it leads to 3 or 4 or 12, that is the problem. I think if I try to not to be so hard on myself when I slip up, I will be less likely to punish myself with eating till I am bursting with guilt and needless calories.

All of this is to say that I didn’t have a week long calorie-fest this time. Maybe a 2 day one. Then Zachary set me straight. I am healthy and I make wise choices. This is my new mantra. I printed it out and taped it on my desk, my mirror, my refrigerator, and the dashboard of my car. It has actually helped. Those little bites of blizzard or stealing one french fry really make a difference for me. And if I can learn to control or at least prevent this from happening, I think I will be ok.

My workouts the last 3 days have been good and so has my eating. I know it takes time, but I hope I am getting the hang of this thing called “healthy living.”

Thanks a lot to Zach and Mike for talking me down from my calorie induced pity party. You guys are the best!

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