More Harm than Good

It took me a long time to realize that there is a big difference between being on a diet and being healthy. For the last few weeks, I have been on Nutrisystem. A few years ago when I was at my heaviest, I used Nutrisystem to jump start my weight loss and it was great. It taught me a lot about portion size and making smart choices. For the first time in my life, I was really paying attention to what I put in my body. Because I had such great results, I decided to go back on it to try to get back on track.

What is Nutrisystem, you ask? Basically, they send you a month's worth of prepackaged food, including, breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack. You supplement the food with fruit, veggies, and dairy. The kicker is the food doesn't even need to be refrigerated. It is just there, on your shelf. Meals include things like chocolate muffins and pizza and mac and cheese and cereal and fudge brownies. The idea is that the foods contain carbs that are 'good for you.'

At first, I saw some pounds come off. But after about the first 2 weeks, I just started feeling gross. I was sticking to the program, but not seeing results and not really feeling good in general. Having gone from a very clean diet, to a less so but still mostly fresh and healthy one to all prepackaged, highly processed, no expiration date, microwave dinners sucked.

So despite the fact that I seriously have almost a months 'supply' of Nutrisystem food on my shelves, I decided to kick the habit and go all out. Today is my 6th day of doing a strict paleo diet, eliminating grains, sugar, dairy and everything processed. Even when I was at my healthiest I don't think I id this good for this long. I also added in a diet soda or put splenda and milk in my coffee. But I decided to give up all my excuses and finally do what I felt needed to be done.

The funny thing is, I feel great. Yes, it is difficult to eat clean and fresh at times. I don't have a kitchen or refrigerator so cooking is out of the question. But, again, i gave up my excuses and am just making it work. If that means I resort to sardines and steamed zucchini for dinner, that is what I will do. It is definitely more expensive and less convenient for me to be doing this right now, but if I can do it now I know I can do it later in my life as well.

So I am off my 'diet' and on to eating healthy and clean. I have already lost 2 pounds and haven't been obsessing about counting calories. I know what I am putting in my body is good for it, so there is no guilt or sense of being overly indulgent.

I plan to stay 100 strict for 30 days and then see where I will go from there. This means I will finish right before going home for Thanksgiving and will hopefully allow me to make smart choices over the holiday season. Food should not control you, but should fuel you. It is hard work for me to have a healthy relationship with my food, but I am working on it.

A better week

I feel much more optimistic about things today. Last week I decided something had to give in terms of my diet and workout routine. On Monday, I bought a scale. Tuesday I decided to go paleo, had a good "last meal" (pictured here) and Wednesday I tried to make things happen. I haven't been 100%. I have had very minimal carbs, a wrap and an oatmeal cookie I think. I have had some yogurt and cheese. But all in all, I did much better with my diet. The hard thing is finding things to eat when I am not at my apartment and really hungry. But today I solved that problem in a way never done before. I ate tuna right out the packet. I felt like a goober while doing it, but it did the trick! Filled me up and got me through the next 4 hours studying in the library. Tomorrow will be my first official weigh in to see what progress I have made. I am hoping for a pound, but we shall see.

My workouts have also improved. I have hooked up with Crossfit Gotham and I really enjoy working with Mike. He is very attentive and I am working on my pull ups every time we meet. I need to try and get down there more than 3 times a week, but my schedule right now doesn't let me unless I go early in the morning, I am not 100% comfortable riding the subway in the dark. But we shall see. I am confident I will get a pull up in the next few months. Even if it just one ugly one. I just want to get my chin over the bar with my own strength!

School is going well and keeping my amazingly busy. I have so much reading to do this week, it is unreal. I also have a conference on Thursday and Friday and a 15-20 page research paper due next monday, which I have yet to start. Ah, the pressure of grad school. At least crossfit has prepared me to deal with mental challenges as well as physical ones!