Forward Motion

Looking back on where we have been can often be a great way to put the present into perspective. I often get down about my progress, or lack there of. I didn’t do that fast enough or I didn’t go heavy enough or I shouldn’t have eaten that cookie or I wish I could lose the last 10 pounds. Too many negative, self-deprecating thoughts will only lead to continued failure.

It is hard for me to be objective about myself, my body and abilities. I often don’t give myself enough credit or rejoice in my accomplishments. So today I decided to post a “Before/During” picture. I do not call this an “After” because I see my life as a continual journey. But it does show how far I have come and that there is a lot for me to be proud of.

Many of you have seen the before, which was taken spring break my senior year of college. The during pic was taken at the start of the Spartan 300 Challenge in May of this year. I put them side by side mostly to show myself, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have been successful. I have made progress and regardless of how slow and difficult the road has been, it has been worth every minute and drop of sweat. Although I look forward to the day when I can post a picture that makes the one from this year look like a different person, I am happy with where I am and know that I have been through something that many people will never experience. If I am strong enough to make the commitment to change my life, I am strong enough to continue to make the smart choices to keep me here. Forward motion, right? Forward motion.

Spartan 300!

The final Spartan 300 workout is on Saturday! I am not excited and nervous about it. I am nervous because I am going to do 95 pounds instead of 65. The only things this will impact is my deadlifts, floor wipers, and increase the weight of my kettle bell. I am not worried about the increase in kettle bell weight because I really enjoy kettle bells and I have done that weight before. The deadlifts will be harder, but again, I have done that weight before and I know that I can physically do it. The thing that worries me is the floor wipers. I am not even 100% sure that I can hold that weight over my head long enough to do the movement. So that worries me. But I know that if I don’t step up and do it now, I am not going to. So even if my time is slow, even if I don’t finish, I am going to give it what I’ve got and hope that is enough. I am also nervous to get my body assessment done. I have not been doing very well. I have been eating pretty well, but I have not been 100% into it. So my weight has just been going up and down up and down. The last week I have figured it out, but it might be too little too late. And since I am trying not to let the scale have so much control over me, I might forgo the weigh in altogether. I know that if it is not what I want it to be, it is going to impact my workout. And the workout is really more important to me at this point. But we shall see. So I will hopefully have good news to post after Saturday and not let the end of this challenge justify falling off the wagon…for the millionth time! I am determined to get there this time, wherever there is.

Go Hard or Go Home!

There are now less than 3 weeks left in the Spartan Challenge. I will admit, I have not been as “into” it this year as I was last year. I am not sure what it is, but I don’t really feel any different than I do when I am not doing a challenge. I guess it is because I work out just the same and I give Zach my food logs like I was doing before. But I know this is a time to push myself. So with the realization that it is more than half way over and I don’t feel like I have a lot to show for it, I am going to make the next three weeks count.

What am I going to do, you ask? Well for starters:

No more diet soda! I have started to become too dependent on them (one every few days) and I don’t like it. So no more. Done! They make me feel blah and overly artificially sugared.

Watch less TV! I don’t watch a huge ungodly amount, but I know I could be using my time more wisely. It is too easy to mindlessly eat when I watch TV, so by cutting down I will kill two birds with one stone.

Stay away from the bulk veggies chips and Whole Foods ginger cookies! I can easily trick my mind into thinking these are healthy alternatives to junk food, but they aren’t. So I am going to do without them for the next three weeks in hopes of getting out of the habit of buying them.

Only get a salad from Whole Foods or Central Market once a week. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but sometimes I get them 3 or 4 times a week. And in addition to being expensive, I eat more than I would if I made a salad at home. Also, I want to work on preparing my own meals, so getting away from these is important.

Be smart about my fat! Mike and Zach have both told me to up my fat, and I went a little crazy with it for awhile. Seriously. So instead of buying huge tubs of almond butter and pounds of almonds, I need to figure out some alternative to still get the fat I need without being tempted to over do it.

Last, but not least, work on pull ups and push ups every day! I want to get a pull up. Just one! And I want to get push ups on my toes. I have been lazy about working on these for whatever reason. Time to step it up.

So hopefully with these changes I will see good results in the next three weeks. I want to drop the weight without losing my strength, so I am going to really work on dialing in and making it happen!

Use It

I just got home from doing the Spartan workout. This starts a 6 week challenge of keeping a workout and food log, sending it to my coach, and doing additional workouts. Today was the kick off and we did the benchmark workout and in 6 weeks we will do it again.

I like the workout. I did it in an ok time today. 17:38. Usually, I would feel great right after that workout. However, right now, I feel pretty low. I actually called my husband in the car on the way home crying about what a bad workout it was. It was not bad in terms of time or effort. But I should have gone heavier. For the last week I have been trying to figure out if I should do 65 pounds, which I knew I could do, or 95, which I knew would be a challenge. Always go for the challenge!!! How will I ever get better if I never push harder? I can come up with every excuse in the book. But at the end of the day, I am only going to be as strong, as fast, as fit as I let myself be.

I get frustrated that I work my ass off and don't see better results. For awhile I was starting to think my expectations were too high. Tonight I realized they are not high enough. I don't push myself far enough out of my comfort zone. Working out 6 days a week, 2 time a day does nothing for you if you are just going through the motions. I never really thought I was, but tonight was a wake up call. I HATE feeling like I am a disappointment. To others and to myself. But I have to stop being afraid. Afraid of not being good enough. Of looking stupid. Of being judged. Of everything.

When we did our body assessment tonight, I didn't look at my weight. I am pretty good about dropping pounds during challenges, but I don't want to focus on that this time. I don't want the scale to be my measure of success anymore. I don't want to be just good enough anymore.

A wise guy told me the other night that you get back what you put out in to the world. When you focus on the "I don't want" and the "I hate it when" you draw it back into you. You make a reality what you were trying to avoid. So instead, let me rephrase the above ideas. I am going to focus on getting stronger and getting leaner. I am going to let the pain and discomfort be an indication of my progress and push through. Most importantly, I am going to blow myself away with how far I can go and not settle until I get there.