Sometimes the moments we feel most lost are the ones in which we find ourselves

Friday, April 16, 2010


I find myself going in circles....moving through a cycle of success and progress...then recklessness and self-sabotage...followed by guilt and regret....until I am back where I began.

I worked really hard the first half of the semester. Watched what I put in my body and got in good workouts. I was right where I wanted to be. Then I went home for spring break where one bad choice lead to another and another until I gave up and gave in. I literally gained back everything I had worked so hard for 6 weeks to lose in a week. Since then I have been stable, trying to figure out what my next step is. I get tired of repeating the same mistakes. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. There is a moment when I have to act differently, and all I can do is make that choice.

So for now I am back at the top of the circle. Setting out to do it all again, for probably the tenth time in my life. Get in the workouts. Get in good food. That part I know and that part I can deal with. But there is another element...something I haven't yet been able to identify. Without it, though, I know I just doom myself to end up back here again. So this time I have to find it. I have to figure out what is missing to make it work...make the changes stick. I am smart and strong and I can figure it out. So here we go.

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