Sometimes the moments we feel most lost are the ones in which we find ourselves

Monday, March 1, 2010

Exposing the Truth

I was brave yesterday. Either brave or stupid....the jury is still out on that one. Regardless, I took some "before" pictures. I know that I am not necessarily at the start of my journey, but I am certainly not at the end. I have a lot of work that still needs to be done. And considering the fact that I have such a skewed self-image, I decided that having pictures was the perfect way to really see my body for what it is. Whenever Crossfit Central does challenges, they always take before and after pictures. Usually, the men are shirtless and the girls are in sports bras and short-shorts. Other, less official pictures I have seen have people in their bathing suits in order to see as much skin as possible.

Needless to say, I do not expose my stomach. Period. I have never taken a picture in a two piece bathing suit or a sports bra or any more skin than was necessary. But, I have always known the reason for doing it. Clothes cover and hide a lot. That is what they are there for. So I decided that the only way to have a real sense of what my body was doing and how it is changing was to take a honest to goodness before picture. So I bucked up and took a picture in the closest thing I have to a two-piece bathing suit. Bare stomach and all. From the front and back. These picture will NEVER see the light of day, I can assure you. However, I think it was an eye-opener and gave me a weird disembodied view of myself that I have never really seen before. Hopefully, one day when I have made more progress and seen more results and feel comfortable, I will take another bare stomach picture to use as my "after." This is a long way off. But there is something empowering about the fact that I know where I am, right now, at this exact moment and that I am doing something to change it.

Abs of steel, I have not. But I can tell you my motivation is higher than it has been in a long time. Sometimes the ugly truth is all you really need to hear, or see in this case.

1 comment:

Kim said...

You are beautiful, Sus! I am immensely proud of you and the progress you've made. You are truly an inspiration to a lot of people, myself included. Keep up the awesomeness! I, too, have "before" pictures... Scary stuff, but also very helpful.