Here we go again

On Friday of last week, September 10th to be exact, I started to get serious. This summer was a HUGE bust in terms of getting my health and weight back on track. HUGE. I had lovely plans of all the wonderful things I would accomplish, yet none of them happened. In fact, I gained weight. Eighteen pounds to be exact. That is what is so scary to me. I gained eighteen pounds in three months. And I didn't even really notice. I mean I did in terms of my clothes not fitting and the general feeling of defeat. But I just kept letting it go and pushing the clear need to take action aside.

So last Friday I began again. I am not sure how may bursts of re-commitment it will take before I actually accomplish what I set out four years ago to do. But I cannot succeed if I do not try, try, try again.

I am doing things a little differently this time. I am on Nutrisystem again. I used it four years ago when I first started to lose weight and it worked. Since then, my ideas about health and food have seriously changed and I am in no way fooling myself into thinking that NS food is healthy. However, it will make me lose weight. It is portion controlled and far less expensive than eating out every meal in NYC. I do not plan to be on it more than a few months, but I was clearly out of control when I was going it alone. So I am hoping it will kick-start my newest attempt to get the weight off and get back on the road to good health and happiness.

So far, I have lost eight pounds. I am happy about that, but fairly shocked that I am still ten pounds heavier than at the start of the summer. I have still been lazy about working out because I have fallen out of the habit. But this week I am going to push it that extra bit and get in some serious workouts. My goal is to be back within 5 pounds of my lowest weight before I go home for thanksgiving, which means I need to lose between 3 and 4 pounds a week. I know it is asking a lot, but if not now, when?

So here we go again.

Le Sigh

This week has been a little rough. I haven't eaten awfully, but I am just not feeling it. I thought last week was fine, but I didn't drop any pounds, which always puts me in a funk. I started off the week with a workout, but haven't gotten another in since then. I just got back from a run along the river, which put me in a better mood. So hopefully the funk is over. I am trying to remind myself that if I have to have a sweet treat, dark chocolate is way better than a cookie. Now I just have to stop doing both!!!

Since I didn't hit my 3 pounds last week, I am looking at 6 this week which is nuts. So if I can just get my 3 for this week, I will feel much better. Today was a good start, but the next 2 days have to be equally as clean and workout filled.

Only 2 weeks till I go home!!!!! I want to be 7 pounds lighter by then.

Nice Work, Kid

I got in a great workout today. Not a crossfit workout, but good compared to what I have been doing while at school.
30 mins on the elliptical
1000 m row/500 m row
15 mins on the bike
30 mins run
I was so sweaty and stanky when I was finished, but it felt really good. Then I ate some tuna, steamed zucchini and an apple for dinner along with tons of water. All in all, a good day

Progress

My week 1 weight goal was met. 3 pounds. I am aiming for 3 pounds for the next 3 weeks till I go home. Then I can start the summer on the right foot and it will push me that much harder to finish this thing already. This September will make it 4 years since I started to get healthy, and while I have made big changes, there is still a ways to go. So my goal for next week is another 3 pounds, which I know I can do if I get in my workout and eat at least somewhat rationally.

I didn't work out as much this week as I had planned due to illness. But I am on the mend, so hope to get in a good one in the next day or two.

I am nervous about going home for the summer and getting back into crossfit. It has been a long time and I know I have lost a lot of ground since I left. But fear is no longer enough to stop me from doing the things I know I need to get done, so I will be back at it in June.

Invalidating the Scale

I am trying not to be discouraged that I worked out pretty hard yesterday and watched what I ate and the scale went up .5 this morning. I know I know I know. That doesn't mean anything. But at this point I am looking for every little bit of evidence that I am on the right track.

So instead of the scale, i will focus on the fact that I got a PR on my 500m row yesterday. I have never been able to break 2mins and yesterday I got 1:57. I was super proud of myself, especially since it came after a 30 min run and 20 mins on the bike.

Today will be more of the same. After sitting in the library for who knows how many hours today working on term papers, I am sure a run will be a welcome diversion.

Again

I find myself going in circles....moving through a cycle of success and progress...then recklessness and self-sabotage...followed by guilt and regret....until I am back where I began.

I worked really hard the first half of the semester. Watched what I put in my body and got in good workouts. I was right where I wanted to be. Then I went home for spring break where one bad choice lead to another and another until I gave up and gave in. I literally gained back everything I had worked so hard for 6 weeks to lose in a week. Since then I have been stable, trying to figure out what my next step is. I get tired of repeating the same mistakes. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. There is a moment when I have to act differently, and all I can do is make that choice.

So for now I am back at the top of the circle. Setting out to do it all again, for probably the tenth time in my life. Get in the workouts. Get in good food. That part I know and that part I can deal with. But there is another element...something I haven't yet been able to identify. Without it, though, I know I just doom myself to end up back here again. So this time I have to find it. I have to figure out what is missing to make it work...make the changes stick. I am smart and strong and I can figure it out. So here we go.

Fail

Spring break fail. Major fail. Major major major fail. Annoyed at myself for giving up. One of these days I will have a little more faith in myself. Back at it again. Try try try again.